Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Being Busy Will Break You!

Posted: December 17, 2025 in marriage
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CLICK HERE to watch the full episode of WE3 The Winning Team Podcast “Being Busy Will Break You!“

When couples feel near but far, the problem is rarely love. More often, it’s busyness disguised as purpose.

Our time in Miami became an intentional pause, a deliberate reset that exposed a truth WE had to face again. Being busy will break you if you are not careful. It can fracture connection, mute intimacy, and slowly pull your marriage off mission. WE were reminded that proximity does not equal connection. You can share the same space, the same calendar, even the same bed, and still miss each other emotionally.

Busyness creates motion without presence. And constant motion can hide emotional distance for years.

Through rest, prayer, and candid conversations, WE examined the stories WE had been telling ourselves about productivity, success, and doing “good things.” The goal was never a grand gesture. What our marriage needed was a renewed rhythm, fewer distractions, clearer motives, and daily choices that protect connection and shared purpose.

When Busy Becomes a Burden

One of the most sobering realizations was this. Good things can still break you when they are misprioritized.

Careers, parenting, service, and ministry matter, but they cannot replace attention at home. When busyness becomes a badge of honor, it quietly becomes a burden. WE asked ourselves a question that changed everything.

Whose vision are WE building, God’s or our own desires?

God-sized assignments often feel bigger than our capacity. They require faith, patience, and partnership. Personal ambition often feels urgent and self-driven. That distinction helped us reframe productivity as stewardship, not status. WE committed our plans to God, acknowledged seasons where parenting and careers eclipsed connection, and accepted a truth WE had to relearn. Rhythm beats perfect balance. Rhythm adapts to seasons without abandoning the covenant.

From Awareness to Action

Awareness without action does not create change.

WE are rewriting the vision and making it plain, breaking it into daily, weekly, and quarterly practices. WE are preparing to do better time-blocking with no-technology evenings, and committing to phone-free days. WE are working to identify all things that drains our attention, then establish boundaries to protect what mattered most.

Time is one of the rarest resources we have. WE decided to invest it first in our marriage, then in everything else. Whether written on paper or stored digitally, the act of writing clarified motives, strengthened accountability, and gave us a shared map for decision-making. When life pulled us off course, the plan helped bring us back.

Why Rest Is Resistance

Being busy will break you if rest is treated as optional.

Romans 12 challenged us to renew our minds instead of conforming to hustle culture. Matthew 6 reminded us to seek the kingdom first and trust God. That led to countercultural decisions, guilt-free rest, intentional pauses, and saying no to good opportunities to protect the best ones.

Unchecked busyness numbs awareness, dries affection, and can even justify neglect at home under the banner of doing good. Rest restores clarity. It protects intimacy. It strengthens faith. In marriage, rest is not laziness. It is obedience.

The Power of Intentional Pauses

Finally, WE leaned into intentional pauses.

Changing the scenery, whether a beach, a park, or a simple walk, interrupts autopilot and creates space to listen. If you work with your mind, rest with your hands. If you work with your hands, rest with your mind. These moments allow couples to prune distractions, revisit their assignment, and trust that God is ordering their steps.

Connection grows when attention is given, purpose is shared, and plans are prayed over. Presence will always matter more than proximity. A marriage on mission does not thrive by doing more. It thrives by choosing what matters most, together.

CLICK HERE to watch the full episode of WE3 The Winning Team Podcast “Being Busy Will Break You!“

Why is Communication So Hard In Marriage?

Posted: June 23, 2025 in Life Lessons, marriage
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Why is communication so hard in marriage?
Want tips on how to improve YOUR SPOUSES communication? Go grab your spouse & CLICK IMAGE to watch the full episode together.

Communication stands as one of the most fundamental pillars of a successful marriage, yet it remains one of the greatest challenges couples face. Why is something so essential simultaneously so difficult? This paradox exists because true communication extends far beyond merely exchanging words…it’s about creating connection, understanding, and safety.

Many couples operate under the illusion that communication is happening simply because words are being exchanged. However, research shows that only 7% of what WE communicate comes from our actual words…the remaining 93% stems from our tone and body language. This highlights why so many marriages struggle with miscommunication; spouses may be talking but not truly communicating.

True communication requires active engagement, intention, and attention. It’s the difference between merely hearing words and truly listening to understand. In our digital age, where so much interaction happens through text messages and social media, the absence of tone and body language creates even greater opportunity for misinterpretation and disconnection. WE‘ve become accustomed to superficial exchanges that lack depth, leaving our intimate relationships starved for meaningful connection.

Creating a safe space forms the foundation for effective marital communication. A safe space isn’t just about physical safety, but emotional, mental, and spiritual safety as well. It’s an environment where both partners feel free to express fears, needs, and failures without judgment. They feel accepted rather than expected to be perfect, and covered with grace rather than criticism. The challenge is that many people don’t recognize what a safe space truly is, making it impossible to create one for their spouse.

Unhealed trauma significantly impacts our ability to communicate effectively in marriage. Trauma doesn’t just alter how WE feel…it rewires our brain to detect threats even in peaceful situations. This explains why some individuals create chaos even when surrounded by calm; they’ve become accustomed to turbulence. Even when a spouse genuinely offers safety, a traumatized heart might still perceive danger, creating a significant communication barrier that has nothing to do with the words being exchanged.

Our heart condition directly influences our communication style. Scripture reminds us that “a good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart… for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45). Before blaming communication problems on your spouse, examine what’s in your own heart. Are you harboring resentment, unforgiveness, or pride? These internal issues will inevitably surface in your communication patterns.

Pride presents one of the greatest obstacles to effective communication. When being right becomes more important than being understood; when winning arguments takes precedence over resolving conflicts; partnership becomes impossible. Especially in Christian marriages, pride often masquerades as self-righteousness, turning what should be collaboration into competition.

Interestingly, many couples exhibit more patience and effort communicating with strangers than with their own spouses. Consider how attentively you would listen to someone speaking a different language…the focus, patience, and determination to understand. Yet with our spouses, WE often multitask, half-listen, or prepare our rebuttals instead of truly seeking to understand.

For those preparing for marriage, recognize that communication skills aren’t automatic, they require continuous development. Don’t assume love equals understanding, pay attention to how you handle conflict, ensure you share values and vision, practice vulnerability, seek healthy role models, and discuss how you’ll handle disagreements before they arise.

The journey toward better communication is ongoing, requiring daily commitment regardless of feelings. The good news is that with intentional effort, couples can develop deeper understanding, greater intimacy, and more effective conflict resolution skills that strengthen their marriage over a lifetime.

Want tips on how to improve YOUR SPOUSES communication? Click below, tag your spouse and watch the full episode together. Subscribe, Like & Share!

Marriage Myths Exposed!

Posted: April 4, 2025 in marriage
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In today’s culture, WE‘re bombarded with idealized versions of love and marriage through media, movies, and music. These romantic notions create expectations that often lead to disappointment when real relationships don’t match these fairytales. On the latest episode of WE3 The Winning Team Podcast, WE explored three prevalent myths about relationships that can actually hinder your journey to a healthy, lasting marriage.

The first myth WE tackled was “opposites attract.” This widely accepted belief suggests that people who are fundamentally different naturally gravitate toward each other, creating an exciting dynamic. While initial chemistry between different personalities can feel thrilling—like when an introvert meets an extrovert or a spontaneous person connects with someone structured—these differences often become sources of conflict over time. What matters more than surface-level differences are shared core values, goals, and communication styles. A relationship built on complementary strengths can work beautifully, but when foundational values differ dramatically, the relationship faces constant friction. Remember: compatibility isn’t about being identical, but about having the temperament and personality to navigate life together effectively.

The second myth WE explored was the concept of “soulmates”—the idea that there’s one perfect person divinely created just for you. This notion creates unrealistic expectations about relationships being effortless and magical. When relationships require work (as they all do), people questioning whether they truly found their “soulmate” might abandon potentially wonderful partnerships. From a biblical perspective, Scripture doesn’t teach the concept of predetermined soulmates, but rather emphasizes choosing a Godly spouse and building a strong marriage based on biblical principles of being like Jesus. The logical problem with soulmates is clear: if there’s only one perfect match for each person, what happens when someone marries the “wrong” person? Would everyone else in the chain of relationships be doomed to mismatches? Real love isn’t about finding a mythical perfect match—it’s about commitment, acceptance, and creating safety for each other to grow authentically.

Perhaps the most pervasive myth is “love at first sight.” This romantic notion suggests that true love can be recognized instantly, but this confuses intense attraction with genuine love. That first “spark” is actually just dopamine flooding your brain, creating intense emotions that feel significant. But biblical love—patient, kind, not easily angered—cannot exist without shared experiences and time. How can you know if someone is patient if you’ve never seen them tested? How can you know they’re kind if you haven’t witnessed their response to others in various situations? People who constantly chase this feeling become “dopamine hunters,” abandoning relationships when the initial intensity fades, rather than putting in the work needed for lasting connection.

The biblical perspective offers a healthier framework. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” There’s an important distinction between “finding” and “searching.” Searching implies striving or desperation, while finding suggests discovery while walking in your purpose. Just as Adam didn’t frantically search for Eve but was doing his purpose when God brought her to him, men should focus on seeking God first, developing character and purpose, and being in the right spiritual place. Similarly, women should position themselves by focusing on their relationship with God, developing godly character, and being in environments aligned with their values.

CLICK HERE to watch episode two, to gain more insights on each myth. Also, we included a list of thought provoking questions that you can answer for yourself or ask your partner to get to know more about how they feel about you and your relationship.

Eugene & LaTanya Gatewood | WE3 The Winning Team

You Want a Marriage or a Wedding? The Why Behind the Ring!

Posted: March 3, 2025 in marriage
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Marriage is often regarded as a milestone in life, meticulously planned, and celebrated. However, beyond the wedding day itself lies a multitude of conversations that should precede this monumental commitment. In the latest episode of our podcast, WE explore the multi-layered question, “Why do you want to get married”? It’s a question that extends beyond romantic notions of love and companionship; it’s about preparing for a lifetime of partnership, collaboration, and shared growth. In a society where the marriage rate is declining, and divorce rates hover around 50%, understanding the motivations and expectations behind marriage is more critical than ever.

Season 2 | Episode 1 – WE3 The Winning Team Podcast (click to view)

The episode opens with a powerful discourse on the purpose of a Christ-centered marriage. WE emphasize that if individuals are striving to emulate the qualities found in Christ, then the union itself will likely reflect those attributes. WE remind you that a marriage built on mutual faith and shared aspirations is more likely to withstand challenges. It’s about both partners focusing on elevating one another spiritually, rather than merely fulfilling traditional gender roles.

As the conversation unfolds, WE delve into the pros & cons of various motivations people have for getting married, such as:

  • Companionship & Intimacy: Finding a lifelong partner for emotional support, companionship, and intimacy.
  • Starting a Family: Building a family and raising children together.
  • Social Status & Tradition: Fulfilling societal expectations and adhering to traditional norms.
  • Financial Stability: Sharing financial responsibilities, pooling resources, and increasing financial security.
  • Legal and Social Benefits: Gaining legal rights and benefits, such as inheritance rights, healthcare benefits, and tax advantages.
  • Sense of Security and Stability: Finding a stable and secure partner for long-term companionship and emotional support.
  • Deepening Love and Commitment: Formalizing a committed relationship and expressing a lifelong commitment to one’s partner.
  • Building a Shared Life: Creating a shared home, building a life together, and experiencing life’s joys and challenges side-by-side.
  • Creating a Legacy: Building a family and passing on values and traditions to future generations.
  • Personal Growth: Learning, growing, and evolving as individuals within the context of a committed relationship.

Our discussion revealed that many individuals may feel the urge to get married simply because of the expectations placed upon them by family or cultural norms rather than an authentic desire to build a life together.

WE assert that each couple’s needs and desires are unique, and thus, they should not feel confined to follow a blueprint defined by societal expectations. Instead, WE propose several reflective questions aimed at encouraging individuals to think critically about their own motivations, such as “Did you like yourself as a child?” and “How did you learn to adjust to the differences in your partner without losing who you are?” These questions serve as prompts for deeper introspection, ultimately leading to stronger foundations within marriages.

Interdependence versus independence also comes under scrutiny as the hosts discuss common narratives surrounding independence, especially among women. The pressure to maintain individual autonomy while navigating a partnership is acknowledged as a significant challenge for many couples. However, the episode presents an alternative view—that true interdependence can lead to mutual growth and support. WE propose that understanding the importance of a balanced dynamic can foster healthier relationships, reminding you that, ultimately, vulnerability and open communication are essential to maintaining emotional intimacy.

In sharing insights from our own marriage, WE highlight that interdependence does not imply codependence; rather, it encourages partners to thrive together while embracing their individuality. This engaging dialogue ultimately sets the stage for the ongoing season, inviting you to engage and reflect on your paths toward marriage and relationships.

You are left with the challenge to reflect on your motivations for marriage, while also being encouraged to engage positively with season one of our podcast. As WE wrap up the episode, WE were clear on our mission: to initiate conversations that allow couples to explore the depths of their relationship, leading to more informed decisions when it comes to the sacred institution of marriage.

Please subscribe, share and like our YouTube Page or subscribe anywhere you podcast.

We appreciate your support!

Host
Eugene Gatewood
– Website – https://eugenegatewood.com
– YouTube: @Original_Mentor 
– Facebook: @Eugene.Gatewood
– Instagram: @Original_Mentor 
-TikTok: @elgatewood

LaTanya Gatewood
– Facebook: @LaTanya.Gatewood
– Instagram: @reddingl

Podcast Music by Micah Gatewood

Grow Together or Drift Apart (Part 1)

Posted: April 26, 2024 in Resources
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In the sphere of marriage, the journey from “I do” to “WE still do” is often one paved with trials, tribulations, and triumphs.

In part 1 of our latest podcast episodes, WE, candidly share our experiences and revelations from the “A Weekend to Remember” Marriage Retreat. WE discussed our reflections from the marriage retreat, but with a deeper exploration of the dynamics that sustain and enrich long-term relationships, specifically marriage.

WE emphasized the significance of investing time and effort into a marriage (with a few funny stories to support), an investment that is often underestimated but is as crucial as any other aspect of life requiring attention and care.

“Maintenance is better than repair!”

WE draw a compelling parallel between maintaining the health of a vehicle through regular servicing and the necessity of nurturing a marriage to prevent breakdowns. Just as a car needs its oil changed and tires rotated, a marriage requires regular emotional and communicative maintenance to remain robust and vibrant.

As the dialogue unfolds, WE delve into the delicate balance of oneness and isolation in marriage, particularly through the lens of a Christian perspective.

WE dissect the societal pressures that advocate for individualism and how these can insidiously create a chasm between partners, despite their best intentions. The discussion underscores the fine line between healthy individuality and detrimental separation within the marital context, highlighting the importance of shared experiences that fortify the connection between spouses.

Further into the episode, WE explore the intricate dance of transparent communication. WE introduce listeners to a five-level model of sharing within a relationship, ranging from superficial cliches to the profound transparency that is the hallmark of a deeply connected couple.

5 LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION:

  • Cliche: Sharing surface conversation and small talk
  • Fact: Merely sharing what happen throughout your day
  • Opinion: Expressing what you think about what’s happening in your day and in the relationship.
  • Emotion: Conveying how what’s happening in life and/or your relationship is making you feel.
  • Transparency: Being vulnerable to share who you are with a willingness to understand one another.

WE recount personal struggles with communication barriers, including Eugene’s journey from emotional stonewalling to openness and LaTanya’s challenges with self-regulation. Through introspection and humility, WE illustrate how overcoming these hurdles has led to a more authentic and fulfilling partnership. You Can Do It Too!

WE share stories to demonstrate how couples can work together to maintain unity and prevent drifting apart.

Marriage is Hard, But Its Work It!

Concluding the episode, WE remind listeners that while marriage is hard work, it is indeed worth every effort. WE share our excitement to delve deeper into God’s model for marriage and WE encourage you to engage in a dialogue about the joys and challenges of matrimony.

The commitment to grow together is a choice that offers endless rewards. WE urge you to continually invest in your relationship.

This episode truly expresses how our marriage is a testament to the fact that the flame of love can burn brightly, even after decades of togetherness, with the right blend of intentionality, understanding, and dedication.

Navigating the Dating Game: Insights, Challenges, and Christian Perspectives on Relationships

Posted: March 27, 2024 in marriage
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Episode 4 | The Dating Game…

In this episode of the WE3 The Winning Team Podcast, WE dive into the complex and ever-evolving world of dating and relationships, specifically from a Christian perspective. As a married couple for over two decades, WE share personal anecdotes, experiences, and the wisdom WE‘ve gathered along our journey.

One of the most significant changes WE explore is the influence of technology on the dating scene. The rise of dating apps has undeniably revolutionized how people connect and find potential partners. While these platforms have their advantages, like streamlining the process and allowing people to filter through potential matches based on preferences, they also come with a set of challenges. The issue of authenticity in the digital age is a recurring theme in our discussion, emphasizing how people often project an idealized version of themselves online, which may not always align with reality.

Another aspect of modern dating that we discuss is the idea of having a list of expectations for a potential partner. While having standards is crucial, it’s equally important to be open-minded and not too quick to dismiss someone who doesn’t tick every box on your list. Sometimes, focusing too much on the list can make you miss out on someone who could be a great fit for you in ways you hadn’t considered.

Dating as a Christian in today’s society also brings its unique set of challenges. The conflicting messages in culture and the pressure to prioritize external success over finding a partner can make the dating landscape even more complex for Christians. In our conversation, we emphasize the need to change the narrative, stressing that God did not create us to be alone.

A significant portion of our discussion also revolves around the importance of self-love and self-awareness in relationships. Before entering a relationship, it’s crucial to understand who you are, what you want, and what you can offer. It’s about acknowledging that your identity shouldn’t be defined by your partner, and the attraction should go beyond physical appearance.

Finally, WE wrap up the episode by discussing the responsibility of choosing the right partner. The purpose of dating should be to truly get to know someone, observing how they react in various situations rather than focusing solely on their qualities. 

To sum up, navigating the world of dating and relationships requires a combination of self-awareness, patience, and a clear understanding of your values and expectations. It’s a journey that can be complex and challenging, but with the right mindset and approach, it can lead to a fulfilling and rewarding relationship.

To add a pinch of humor, WE also share a quirky habit that still annoys us after two decades of married bliss. 

Tune in for this enriching conversation on dating and relationships; you might find a new perspective on finding ‘the one’.

Watch This Episode & Subscribe on our YouTube Channel

Helping Couples WIN as a TEAM!

Posted: March 11, 2024 in marriage
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WE3 The Winning Team Podcast, Eugene & LaTanya Gatewood.

WE3 | WhenEver, WhereEver, WhatEver…I Love You!

What does WE3 mean anyway? So many people ask! As Christians, WE understand that without God being at the center of our relationship, WE would not have lasted over 20 years. Jesus (1)…Her (2)…Me (3)! WE3!

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT

“I Love You!” is also an over used phrase in the world and has lost its meaning. WE wanted another way of saying it that means something to us. R&B/Soul singer Maxwell is one of our favorite artist. He has a song called, Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, that WE believe represented how we feel about one another.

Helping Couples Work Together To WIN At This Game Called Life

The wife and I love love and are passionate about marriage. With divorce rates remaining at 50% and us crossing two decades married, several couples inquire about our secret to our longevity. For us, it’s not a secret and WE will stand on the roof top to let everyone know.

Simply put…I LIKE HER & SHE LIKES ME!

We are friends who fell in love almost 30 years ago; who evolved as individuals and preserved through the challenges of life….TOGETHER!

WE love each other in spite of our differences and challenges. WE have cared enough to want to know who WE were beyond the honry-moon phase of our relationship. YEP…I said it, HORNY-MOON! :-). WE praise God for our growth and maturity.

WE will not go into details, you can listen to WE3 The Winning Team Podcast to learn more about our journey and how we made it through.

Episode 2 | The Power of Friendship

In the second episode of the WE3 The Winning Team Podcast, WE share reflections on their 21-year journey of partnership. WE candidly discusses their wins, missteps, and the lessons they’ve gleaned from their shared life. 

This episode is not just about recounting their experiences; it’s about initiating a dialogue about the right expectations and informed decisions that go into a lifelong commitment like marriage. WE delve into the concept of submission in marriage and discuss how their expectations have evolved over the years.

WE highlight the importance of having a common goal in a marriage. WE argue that while individual tasks within a marriage may differ, they work together to complement each other, contributing to a harmonious and successful partnership. WE emphasize the importance of figuring out how to form a team and create a common goal, thereby underlining the significance of partnership and cooperation in a marriage.

One crucial aspect WE touch upon is the importance of building a friendship before entering a marriage. WE believe that this foundation can be the bedrock of a successful union. It is this friendship that can help a couple stay focused on their common goals. Additionally, it is the recognition and expression of individual feelings that can bring a couple closer together.

In discussing the intricacies of a long-term matrimonial bond, WE also share their process of self-discovery. WE discuss how WE have evolved as individuals while staying committed to our common goal(s). WE share how WE have managed to navigate the complexities of maintaining individuality while working towards a shared objective.

This episode serves as a valuable guide for those who are married, considering marriage, or aspiring to marry someday. Whether you are single, engaged, or a veteran in the marriage game, the reflections WE shared can provide valuable insights for your journey.

Lastly, this conversation offers an eye-opening, fresh perspective on marriage. It invites listeners to reflect on their own relationships, encouraging them to understand and appreciate the dynamics of a long-term partnership. It emphasizes the importance of teamwork, understanding, and mutual respect in a marriage, offering invaluable lessons for a successful matrimonial journey.

Eugene & LaTanya Gatewood

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I Waited for You!

Posted: March 26, 2015 in Life Lessons
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I Waited For You (www.p4cm.com)

Click the link above to see a great example of a man seeing through the layers of heart and pain.  An exampLe of a man, who heard her cries instead of her insults.  An example of a man, whose spirit connected in a way that felt better than the physical.  This is an example of a man, who was strong enough to love her unconditionally by remaining secure in who God made him to be.  

This is an example of a man who patiently waited for the women of his dreams to heal, grow, and become what and who he needed to share in this journey called life.

I pray that God covers their marriage and allows them to be a shining example of what marriage should be.  Marriage truly is bliss when we find the right person and not settle for the one who made us feel good but was not good for us.  

I could not resist sharing this video on my blog, because I am sure that so many can relate and be encouraged by their testimony.  

He or she is worth the wait.

Relationships | How to Put the Pieces Back Together

Posted: March 23, 2015 in Life Lessons
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Broken Heart Mended

A couple days ago, I posted a really simple question on Facebook, “How can I pray for you?”  Because of the number of responses, I have had the honor of speaking to and praying for many individuals and couples over the past couple days.  In each instance when I have had the opportunity to speak with both parties a consistent theme has emerged.

The contention within their relationships has to do with what they expect from their mate, but the focus tends to be on what they are NOT getting, instead of what they expect.

When you focus all of your attention on the problem, the conversations (or arguments) are one track and you will typically spend all of the time and energy trying to prove that you are right or why they are wrong.  However, when both of you ask a different question, “What would you like to happen?” now you become solution oriented and it shifts the conversation toward achieving a win / win situation.

Many of these couples are so close to relationship bliss, but they are all focused on what is not happening (the problem) instead of what they would like to happen (the solution).  They both are “complaining” about the same things, but missing that they both also want the same thing but are simply disagreeing about HOW to get there.  When focusing on what you would like to see in your relationship, you discover what makes the other person happy instead of becoming frustrated about all that you do that they never seem to appreciate.

Imagine this...You are really hungry, so you decide to go to your favorite take out restaurant.  The customer service was incredible!  They really went above and beyond.  Actually, it was crowded, but because you are a regular, they made your order and pulled you to the side so that you did not have to wait…Royal Treatment! You hurry home, get comfortable and sit at the table to eat, but realize that they got your order all wrong.  They gave you extra of the stuff you said minus and minus the items you really like!  How would that make you feel?  When you complained to the manager, they replied, but we gave you special treatment, isn’t that enough?  

Relationships are very similar.  When you do not take the time to understand a persons needs, wants, and desires, it does not matter that you are their favorite and that they treated you special.  If you are not providing what they need and want they will not be fulfilled and will continue to be hungry for something more.  Some may settle and just eat what they are given, but others will complain to the manager.  If the “manager” (you) does not try to fix their order and only tells the customer what they should have done differently so that they did not make the mistake, eventually, the customer will start eating at another “restaurant”.

Below are four ways to become more focused on putting the pieces back together in your relationship, rather than focusing on why it is broken to begin with.

4 Ways to Put The Pieces Back Together

  1. Recognize Your Part | NO MATTER the circumstance, there is typically something that you could have done differently.  Your actions may not have been the direct cause, however your lack of action or attitude could have planted the seed that caused a reaction. Without humility, it will be difficult to find a win / win solution because one will feel that the other owes them something more.
  2. Describe Desired Outcome | Do you even know what you want?  If you do not know what you want, you will not be able to recognize it when you receive it.  Setting proper expectations is vital to the success of any relationship, because it puts you on one accord.  Write them down!  Refer back to them.  This prevents miscommunication later in the relationship.
  3. Share Past Success | If your mate is currently doing something that you would like them to continue, share it!  “I like it when you…” is a great way to begin the sentence. Encouraging your mate reinforces what you like, which shifts your focus from what they are not doing.  Change your habits, change your life.  This will not happen overnight.  Have patience.
  4. New Habits | Going forward, do not point out what they are NOT doing, only reinforce what you like.  If you find that they are not meeting your needs or providing what you agreed to, bring the list that you wrote (step 2) and use it as a reminder.  Set a time during the week when you can check in.  Remember, do not talk about the negative, repeat step 3 and clarify how it makes you feel when you receive what is on your list.

Do not allow HOW you get to your desired outcome(s) to be the reason you never get there. There are many roads to the same destination.  Some may take longer than the others, but just relax and enjoy the journey with the person you claim to love.  If it takes longer, rejoice in the fact that you got to spend more time with them.  Make the most of the time instead of complaining about the journey.  If you arrive and do not like the person you are there with, you both will be ready to go home anyway.  Then, it all was just a waste of time. #Figuratively  #Litterally

Some may think that this post is cheesy!  Perhaps, but if you are striving to be in a happy, long-lasting relationship (or marriage), it will take a little queso to spice up your life every now and then.

Love Is…? Is it Possible to Truly Love If You Do Not Know or Believe In God?

Posted: February 16, 2015 in Life Lessons, Resources
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This amazing video from Pastor Smokie Norful got me thinking about how difficult it is to describe LOVE?  Is it a feeling, an action, a state of being, or all of the above? If you met someone who did not know what LOVE is and you had the task of explaining it, how would you?  I believe it is difficult to describe, for most people, because they have never really experienced it (not referring to those in this video).

1 John 4:7-12 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Here is my questions…given the above scripture, Is it possible to, TRULY, love if you do not believe in or know God?

I have asked this question in the past and it has caused quite a stir.  I am not passing judgement.  I am not qualified, nor do I have a heaven or a hell to send anyone to.  I am simply asking a question.

The bible is very clear that God is “LOVE“.  The bible is my truth.  If God is love and you do not know or believe in Him, is what you express really LOVE?

Let’s say you have never met a specific person and you have never had a conversation with them.  However, someone tells you basic characteristics about them and even gives you a description of what they look like, act like, value, etc. At this point you could tell others about them, describe them, and possibly even act like them without knowing who they are. Those who do not know them might believe that you knew them, when you are really acting off of what you were told.  Only the people who actually know that person and who have a relationship with that person could determine if you really know them.

I believe LOVE is the same way.  If you have never actually experienced LOVE for yourself, someone could describe LOVE and tell you what it looks like, feels like, and why you should want it.  You could, then, tell others about LOVE, based on someone elses experience with LOVE without ever having experienced LOVE for yourself.

I believe God is the same way.  If you have never actually experienced God for yourself, someone could describe God and tell you what He looks like, feels like, and why you should want Him.  You could, then, tell others about God, based on someone elses experience with God, without ever having experienced God for yourself.

I believe that the world is full of people living vicariously through others experience of LOVE, who may not have actually had an encounter with the one who is LOVE.  Therefore, we have distorted God’s true essence of how to LOVE one another and created our own version of LOVE, that has conditions.  We are even made to believe that everyone can LOVE differently, when we were provided a model of what LOVE is supposed to look like.  Have we conformed.

What are your thoughts?

Love is…

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

If God is Love, then God is…

God is patient, God is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 God never fails.

Agree or Disagee?

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