Posts Tagged ‘wife’




I Waited For You (www.p4cm.com)

Click the link above to see a great example of a man seeing through the layers of heart and pain.  An exampLe of a man, who heard her cries instead of her insults.  An example of a man, whose spirit connected in a way that felt better than the physical.  This is an example of a man, who was strong enough to love her unconditionally by remaining secure in who God made him to be.  

This is an example of a man who patiently waited for the women of his dreams to heal, grow, and become what and who he needed to share in this journey called life.

I pray that God covers their marriage and allows them to be a shining example of what marriage should be.  Marriage truly is bliss when we find the right person and not settle for the one who made us feel good but was not good for us.  

I could not resist sharing this video on my blog, because I am sure that so many can relate and be encouraged by their testimony.  

He or she is worth the wait.

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Broken Heart Mended

A couple days ago, I posted a really simple question on Facebook, “How can I pray for you?”  Because of the number of responses, I have had the honor of speaking to and praying for many individuals and couples over the past couple days.  In each instance when I have had the opportunity to speak with both parties a consistent theme has emerged.

The contention within their relationships has to do with what they expect from their mate, but the focus tends to be on what they are NOT getting, instead of what they expect.

When you focus all of your attention on the problem, the conversations (or arguments) are one track and you will typically spend all of the time and energy trying to prove that you are right or why they are wrong.  However, when both of you ask a different question, “What would you like to happen?” now you become solution oriented and it shifts the conversation toward achieving a win / win situation.

Many of these couples are so close to relationship bliss, but they are all focused on what is not happening (the problem) instead of what they would like to happen (the solution).  They both are “complaining” about the same things, but missing that they both also want the same thing, but are simply disagreeing about HOW to get there.  When focusing on what you would like to see in your relationship, you discover what makes the other person happy instead of becoming frustrated about all that you do that they never seem to appreciate.

Imagine this...You are really hungry, so you decide to go to your favorite take out restaurant.  The customer service was incredible!  They really went above and beyond.  Actually, it was crowded, but because you are a regular, they made your order and pulled you to the side so that you did not have to wait…Royal Treatment! You hurry home, get comfortable and sit at the table to eat, but realize that they got your order all wrong.  They gave you extra of the stuff you said minus and minus the items you really like!  How would that make you feel?  When you complained to the manager, they replied, but we gave you special treatment, isn’t that enough?  

Relationships are very similar.  When you do not take the time to understand a persons needs, wants, and desires, it does not matter that you are their favorite and that they treated you special.  If you are not providing what they need and want they will not be fulfilled and will continue to be hungry for something more.  Some may settle and just eat what they are given, but others will complain to the manager.  If the “manager” (you) does not try to fix their order but only tells the customer what they should have done differently so that they did not make the mistake, eventually, they stop eating there and try another “restaurant”.

Below are four ways that can help you shift your thinking to become more focused on putting the pieces back together in your relationship, rather than only focusing on why it is broken to begin with.

4 Ways to Put The Pieces Back Together

  1. Recognize Your Part | NO MATTER the circumstance, there is typically something that you could have done differently.  Your actions may not have been the direct cause, however your lack of action or attitude could have planted the seed that caused a reaction. Without humility, it will be difficult to find a win / win solution because one will feel that the other owes them something more.
  2. Describe Desired Outcome | Do you even know what you want?  If you do not know what you want, you will not be able to recognize it when you receive it.  Setting proper expectations is vital to the success of any relationship, because it puts you on one accord.  Write them down!  Refer back to them.  This prevents miscommunication later in the relationship.
  3. Share Past Success | If your mate is currently doing something that you would like them to continue, share it!  “I like it when you…” is a great way to begin the sentence. Encouraging your mate reinforces what you like, which shifts your focus from what they are not doing.  Change your habits, change your life.  This will not happen overnight.  Have patience.
  4. New Habits | Going forward, do not point out what they are NOT doing, only reinforce what you like.  If you find that they are not meeting your needs or providing what you agreed to, bring the list that you wrote (step 2) and use it as a reminder.  Set a time during the week when you can check in.  Remember, do not talk about the negative, repeat step 3 and clarify how it makes you feel when you receive what is on your list.

Do not allow HOW you get to your desired outcome(s) to be the reason you never get there. There are many roads to the same destination.  Some may take longer than the others, but just relax and enjoy the journey with the person you claim to love.  If it takes longer, rejoice in the fact that you got to spend more time with them.  Make the most of the time instead of complaining about the journey.  If you arrive and do not like the person you are there with, you both will be ready to go home anyway.  Then, it all was just a waste of time. #Figuratively  #Litterally

Some may think that this post is cheesy!  Perhaps, but if you are striving to be in a happy, long-lasting relationship (or marriage), it will take a little queso to spice up your life every now and then.


Its Your Story Too My wife has always inspired me to be better.  She has an internal drive that causes her to get bored very quickly if she is not being challenged. Before we got married, she talked about how Jesus had impacted her life.  I had heard of Him and even heard others talk about Him when, but in hind sight, I had never met Him for myself.  I decided to attend the church that she frequented and it changed my eternity. Early on in our marriage, she decided to pursue a Master’s degree.  That meant that I would not have home cooked meals on nights that she had class, but that was a sacrifice required for her to accomplish her goal.  As I sat by and watched her study, I realized the importance growing together, so I decided to pursue a Master’s degree as well. (Fast forward about 8 or 9 years)

About 2 years ago, we were talking about our 2014 Family Vision Plan.  We were discussing what made us happy.  After I shared my list, I realized how sad it made her.  She had been in a little slump that was uncommon for her.  During our conversation she made a statement that kinda rocked me at my core.  I paraphrase, “I feel like there is more! I do not even have a hobby right now! Event Planning is what I love to do and where I find my joy.”  I decided that I would do all that I could to help her get her groove back!  We signed her up for classes, set aside money in the budget to purchase event decor items for her to practice, and we took the proper steps to relaunch her event business.

Fellas…the theme above is clear.  I made a decision to change, to improve, to support her.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to make a decision to support your wife while thinking about the negative impact it will have on you.  Each decision above meant that I was going to have to sacrifice my current way of being, thought process, habits, hobbies, comfort, and time to ensure that she is properly supported.

“Happy wife happy life.” is so cliche, but so true when you dig deeper.  It is not just about making her happy, but positioning her to be the best she can be; which will benefit you as well. Ladies…balance is still important.  In the course of becoming, you can not completely neglect your role.  Be sure to support and continue to encourage him in the process.  If you both are meeting the needs of each other, no one will feel neglected. The two of you should have fun building together.

An “EMPIRE” is defined as “a very large business or group of businesses under the control of one person or company. Think of your family as the owners of an empire that you all are building together.  It is not hers and yours, but ours!  Her successes are your successes. Success does not mean who makes the most money.  Money may be a need, but should not be the driving force.  When you are seeking to discover your true passions, using your God given gifts, with proper motives, everything will fall into place (Proverbs 18:16 & Matthew 6:33).

Below are some tips I have used to support my wife.  I hope they help:

1.  Don’t Be a Dream Killer

  • You may be very successful in your field and matriculated the finest institutions, but there is more than one road to success.  Just because your road may seem shorter, does not mean that there are not benefits to traveling a route that may take a little longer or even cost a little more.  Be a mentor, but allow for mistakes without, ” I told you so.(Proverbs 15:1)

2. They Have Dreams Too

  • Dismissing her wants, dreams, and desires is a sure way for you all to grow apart.  Security may come because you are a provider, but that can not replace the feeling of fulfilling a purpose.  Imagine how they may feel about you helping everyone else become prosperous, but you are not willing to take the time to help them.  Their success is yours too.  You are building an “empire”! (1Timothy 5:8)

3. Give a Little, Take a Little #Compromise

  • I know you travel and have important meetings so that you can continue to provide.  However, just like you put your family on hold for work, there has to be a consistent time where you colleagues are put on hold for family.  Balance is important.  What is MOST important? It has to be more than just words.  With proper planning, anything is possible. (Philippians 2:3)

4. Don’t Sabotage Their Success

  • Remember…their success is your success.  If you have the type of marriage that life like roommates and separate everything, fix that first.  When you married you became ONE!  A house divided against itself cannot stand.  When one is jealous of the success of the other, it is a sure sign that you are not operating as one.  If you feel like they are doing more, then DECIDE to do more to support them so that it become “ours”.
  • WARNING:  Do not decide to start your own business just because they did.  It cost time, money, and effort to run one business.  Timing is important.  This is still a form of sabotage, disguised as ambition.  Check your motives or you will destroy your own Empire. (Matthew 6:1-18)

5. Be Patient

  • Rome was not built in a day, neither will your empire.  Despise not humble beginnings (Job 8:7).  Building a strong foundation will ensure that what you build will be around for your generations.  After all, the goal is not only to be rich, but to build wealth.  Wealth encompasses far more than the amount of money you have.  You will face trials and setbacks, but there is no failure in a lesson learned.  In the end, you will be mature, complete and lacking nothing (James 1:2-8)

Valentine’s Day is approaching…so I wanted to remind you that (You Are) Worth The Wait.  Do not give in to the societal pressures that tell you that you need someone to love or love you because of a date on the calendar.

(You Are) Worth The Wait.  

Most may feel that I am talking to women, but men…boys…fellas, you are worth so much more than you can even image, because ONE late night decision can not only impact your destiny, but the potential of many generations to come.

(You Are) Worth The Wait.  

Worth is a price tag, typically, given based on who designed the thing.  The value is increased based on the notoriety, acclaim, or how accomplished the creator was.  If Michelangelo were alive to sculpt just one more masterpiece, I am sure every appraiser would deem it priceless. If he can create something priceless, how much more value do you have, because the one who made him sculpted you and breathe life into your very being; making Him the ultimate creator.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

(You Are) Worth The Wait.