Posts Tagged ‘new father’


You Are More Than What They See

OK…I will get straight to the point.  Parenting is only a “role”, NOT who YOU are.  Do not lose yourself trying to help someone else discover who they are, even if they are your children.  This is easier said than done.  We are only 3 sentences in and you have already quoted or remembered advise that someone told you before your first one was born.  “Make time for yourself!”  But in reality, with all of the demands (task) that others place on our schedule, we feel an overwhelming burden to make sure that everyone else’s needs are taken care of that we forget that we have needs, wants, and desires of our own.

Parenting is only a Role

The above image (courtesy of www.rebirthofreason.com) is a great depiction of our lives.  It is easy to become consumed with the many tasks associated with the various roles that we lose who we are. Parenting is no different.

Before becoming a husband or wife, a mother or father, a professional or tradesman, I was (Insert your name here).  You never ceased being (Insert your name here) when you took on these roles.  These roles simply meant that you have new responsibilities and tasks associated with who you are, but they should not redefine who you are.

The Danger in the Chaos

You can not delegate the responsibilities of being (Insert your name here) to anyone else.  Therefore, if you do not make the time to remember, discover, and cultivate (Insert your name here), you may wake up tomorrow, or even worse…years from now, wondering where all of the time has gone.  You may even resent the roles, task, responsibilities and the people associated with each because you now realize that it was all for them and not you.

The Battle Within

Selfish, huh? NOPE!  Maybe from their perspective, but not when you have neglected other God-given assignments, passions, dreams that have been lying dormant inside of you because of your focus on all of the other “stuff!”

When kids move out, some parents realize they have lost their sense of self and for others their marriages fall apart because a disproportionate amount of time, talent, and treasure was spent on one role (name your role/task here) than on others (husband/wife or name your role/task here).

Parenting is a role that lasts a lifetime, but should be redefined as your children reach various milestones.  I believe some parents enable their kids, self consciously or purposely, so that they do not leave the home at 18.  This allows them to continue being a parent and not face the reality of it only being a role.

Digging for Treasure (Discover & Cultivate You)

There is a treasure, a passion, a calling that was hidden inside of you at conception (2 Corinthians 4:6-7 KJV).  When we were kids, our self conscience allowed us to live in that place for hours at a time, imagining (visioning) what life would be like when we were older. To cultivate something is to prepare and develop it for a greater use.  We must put down all of the tasks, even the ones that we feel are most important and even define who we are, to discover and cultivate our true sense of self.

When you know who you are, I would venture to say that you will preform your tasks at an even higher level of excellence, because they will be wrapped in the true essence of who you are.

So…Tell Me About (Insert your name here)

I just love that interview question, “Tell me about yourself.” Even when meeting someone for the first time, we define ourselves by the “role(s)” we value most. “Hi…I’m a Doctor, a Lawyer, Stay-at-home Mom/Dad.”

Why don’t we say “Hi, I’m a Christian, an optimistic, adventurous, generous, caring creative, resilient, hard worker, etc. These descriptions actually give a glimpse into who you are and how you handle the various roles, task, and responsibilities assigned to you.

Start TODAY!!!

Below are a few steps that you can take TODAY to discover and cultivate the true YOU!

  1. Find Quiet Time. Find at least 30mins a day, when you do nothing but sit in silence.  I know..30mins seems too good to be true.  Start with 5 mins, then work your way up.  I hear you, I need more time! MAKE THE TIME!  Delegate some of those other tasks and responsibilities. This is important to your mental and physical health and well-being. Remember, quiet time.  Not reading a book or browsing social media.  Complete silence.
  2. Find Your Frequency: Drown out the noise, so that you can hear what is going on inside of you.  Your brain will be used to being overstimulated, thinking about what you should be and could be doing.  Relax!  Give it time.  This is kinda like a finding the frequency to your favorite radio station.  It is always on air, but it is up to you to “tune in” to the proper frequency to hear what is being said.  Give it time.
  3. Write YOUR Vision: But Not Yet!  You must take the time to retrain your mind on how to drown out the noise so that you can hear clearly.  After a couple weeks, your true self will continue to speak.  Do not worry about forgetting what you thought about.  If it is really who you are and not just another good idea for someone else’s benefit, it will come to your again.  Listen for patterns and themes of thought.
  4. Cultivate: After you have written down who you are, begin to take the steps required to prepare and develop YOU!  This is a journey, not a destination.  When you are tuned in, you will continuously discover ways to become the YOU you were born to be.

TheOriginalMentor

 


“Ok dad…you can go pull the car around.” I recall the nurse telling me over 8 years ago. As I carried the bags down the hall on the elevator and into the parking garage, I still did not realize that I had forgotten a very important step?? As I open the hatch on the truck and piled the bags in, I still had not realized that it was not installed. In the hustle and bustle of preparing for his arrival, I continued to say, I will do it later.

I pulled around and saw my wife being pushed to the curb by the nurse. I jumped out excited, ready to take my wife and new son home. It was a little brisk, so I around to the other side of the truck and pulled the door open and then realized that the seat was not installed. Oh No! Well, no worries….I am a man! How hard could it be…I actually did the research and “they” said that the seat is secure and tight…not moving more that an inch in any direction, GOT IT!

Well….so I thought. I strapped the seat in, but it wobbled like jello sitting on top of a dryer during the spin cycle (not sure why that analogy popped in my head…weird). Reading the instructions is now working against me. I can not put my new born son in a seat that is not safe. I struggled to secure and tighten the seat and nothing seemed to work! Remember I said it was brisk…now I am sweating. To top it off, Micah is now SCREAMING and my wife is getting cold. A crowd started to form “is everything ok? Can we help?” Clearly they are not, but there was no way I was going to “fail” as a father before I even left the hospital!

I am not sure how much time has passed, but it felt like an hour! A very calming voice urged, “Sir…it’s cold, let me help”. With o pen last act of desperation I placed my knee in the middle of the seat and pushed yanked the latch and “CLICK”!! That was the best sound I had every heard! I wiped the sweat from my forehead before coming out of the back seat….”What??? I got it.” I sat Micah’s car seat on top of the cradle and walked around to the other side with the swag of a seasoned parent, knowing that I was melting on the inside.

Moral of the Story, Dad…install the seat days in advance and avoid being silly and naive like me. Trust me…it is not a good look. Lol.

I have provide a link below that can provide some insight on how to install the car seat properly.

According to a article from Fox News.com, “The NHTSA also noted that of all the children who were killed in motor vehicle accidents, almost half were unrestrained. However, even when children were placed in restraint systems, it didn’t ensure their safety. That’s because, of the 3,500 child restraint systems used, 72 percent were used improperly, according to the NHTSA.” CLICK HERE to read full article.

How to PROPERLY Install a Car Seat
http://www.dmv.org/how-to-guides/install-child-seat.php

I thank God for that experience, because from that day forward, it caused me to ensure that my son, family, and friends are properly secured and safe.