Communication is the foundation of every successful marriage, yet it remains one of the most challenging aspects for many couples to master. In our latest episode, How to Fix Communication in Relationships, WE explored the real questions couples are asking about communication and provided practical strategies to transform how partners interact with each other.
The first step to improving communication is adopting a teammate mindset. Too often, couples approach conversations as opponents rather than allies working toward a common goal. This fundamental shift in perspective changes everything about how WE communicate. Good teammates don’t fight each other, don’t focus solely on their own needs, and are willing to do whatever necessary to win together. It’s fascinating how WE understand this concept perfectly in sports or workplace settings but struggle to apply it in our marriages.
Misunderstandings often stem from how WE listen to each other. Active listening requires your full attention…what WE call “listening with your face.” This means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and being fully present. When misunderstandings occur, rather than repeating the same ineffective explanation, try asking clarifying questions: “What did you hear me say?” or “Let me understand what you meant by that.” The goal isn’t to be right but to achieve clarity and understanding.
Scripture provides excellent guidance for communication: “Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Notice it says “every person”, not just your spouse. This responsibility falls on both partners. Creating space for reflection between responses allows for processing time, especially for those who need to think deeply about what was said before responding.
Passive-aggressive behavior indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of addressing them openly creates unnecessary tension in relationships. This pattern often emerges when couples haven’t identified aligned goals for their conversations. When you notice passive-aggressive responses (saying “I’m fine” while actions clearly indicate otherwise), avoid assuming negative motives. Instead, create a safe space for honest discussion when your partner is ready: “I can see you’re not okay right now, but I’m here when you want to talk about it.”
Timing plays a crucial role in effective communication. Having serious conversations during inappropriate moments (like during an important game or when distracted) sets the interaction up for failure. Choose moments when both partners can be fully present and engaged. Sometimes this means scheduling conversations for later rather than demanding immediate attention.
WE‘ve found several practical tools that have transformed our own marriage communication.
- 1) Promote active listening by hearing first and responding later.
- 2) Gently name passive-aggressive patterns to prevent resentment from building.
- 3) Choose safe timing for tough conversations by preparing the environment and ensuring privacy.
- 4) Use deep connection prompts like “How can I support you?” that demonstrate you see, hear, and value your spouse.
- 5) Regularly ask “How can I help?” a simple question that reinforces your commitment to being on the same team.
Communication is not a one-time fix but an ongoing practice that requires daily attention. With intentionality and these practical tools, couples can transform their conversations from potential battlegrounds into opportunities for deeper connection. Remember, you’re not just communicating – you’re building a winning team where both partners feel understood, valued, and supported.
For more, check out the entire episode below. This is only part 1. We had audio issues so will release part 2 very soon, where we will answer the final three questions.
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