Back in the 1900’s (well, that’s technically correct, but it makes me sound old)…In the late 90’s (ok, not much better. I was an adult when many of you reading this were not even alive, so I still feel seasoned)…Let’s just say “back in the day”, yeah, let’s go with that…Back in the day, I rode my bike without knee pads or a helmet. However, nowadays, it seems that they issue safety equipment with every bike purchase. I used to drink water from the garden hose, but today, water must be bottled, chilled, and vapor-distilled with electrolytes. I left the house in the morning and did not return until the street lights came on. There were no apps or smartphones with GPS to track my every move and guess what, I turned out just fine.
Before you pounce, I agree, times are different now than they were “back in the day.” Perhaps our awareness is greater due to technology and the internet but just go with me for a second. Think about it. What life-skills did you develop when you fell off your bike and licked your wounds and kept playing? Or what about when you had to think critically to solve problems or resolve conflicts amongst friends because adults weren’t around to intervene? When we loss a game we had to deal with the emotion of not being good enough, this time. Some took their ball and went home, but we know how life turned out for them if they continued on that path. We did not receive feel-good trophies just for participating. There was a level of resilience that was unintentionally and/or indirectly learned that may be absent from many of our kids today.
As parents, we are so close that we are able to grab our kids by the hand before they fall; anticipate their problems, and mitigate the risk before they are encountered. We mediate their conflicts and even provide solutions before providing them with the opportunity to think through their options. We lessen their loads so that they do not have to work as hard, but all at what cost?
Building Bounce-Back Power!
In our effort to provide our children with the life that we did not have, perhaps we are eliminating the character-building experiences that made us who we are. I believe that the majority of parents goal is for their children to be positive, productive citizens in society. Society includes others. Although we may be teaching them to be productive, but are we equally considering their ability to relate with and to others? We doing our kids a disservice when we remove the resistance that builds the core of their internal resolve and strength — Bounce Back Power!
Fertilizer has a purpose. It smells awful, but it also creates a fertile environment that promotes growth. The same goes for our kids. What stinks in their life could be the very thing that helps them grow. Resilience is one of the main characteristics that, I believe, is essential during a child’s adolescent years. When a parent is not intentional about developing coping skills in their child(ren), it can significantly increase their stress levels as adults and impact their ability to socialize with others. Without an ability to cope with life circumstances, adults become paralyzed and seek alternative means, outside of themselves, to produce happiness and peace.
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us — they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust in God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill out hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:3-5 LAB
I do not believe it is a mistake that the above passage mentioned these three characteristics that develop as we go through problems and trials. The legendary coach, Vince Lombardi once said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.” At some point in life, he knew we all would get knocked down, but are we intentionally teaching our kids how to get back up?
Think about it…where would you be if you did not have these three characteristics to depend on as an adult? How would you respond in the midst of your storm? (Pause to allow time for reflection). So now you understand why it is equally important for you to be intentional about allowing your kids to face some level of problems and trials so that they develop an ability to cope as children.
Just in case you could not imagine what your life would be like without these characteristics, consider this.
Patience
According to Dictionary.com, Patience is your capacity to accept and/or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting upset or angry. Perhaps you could not imagine life with patience, because you have none (IJS). Stress is real and it is a killer. You can’t teach what you don’t know. Modeling the behavior is the best way to teach your child. Use your life circumstances to point out when you had to be patient and how it benefited you. Continue to model it until they catch it.
Refer to Galatians 6:9 ESV – Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we don’t give up.
Character
Life is about choices. The choices we make will be based on who we are as a person. Without patience, our character is the only thing that will keep us out of trouble. Problems are only compounded when our character causes us to make bad decisions in the midst of a trial. Our character is based on how we think, who we are, and the moral compass that guides our actions. Your abilities may get you in the room, but your character is what will allow you to maintain what you obtained. What’s influencing the way you think? How you think will determine who you become, which impacts what you do.
Refer to Proverbs 23:7a NKJV – “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”
Trust in God
“Do you!” is a popular catch-phrase that, in my opinion, is misguided, to say the least. It proposes that we know what to do and have complete control over the future. But, I contend, as parents, we should stop telling our kids “you can be whatever you want to be if you put your mind to it.” I believe this sets them up for failure and disappointment. The reality is they were born with a purpose. Although they could be good at many things, there is something that will bring them great joy and fulfillment. As our kids “Original Mentors” (their parents), it is our responsibility to guide them on their journey toward discovering why God placed them on this earth. Once they are on the path, we should help cultivate their faith in a way that causes them to depend less on us and trust more in the one who knows the plans that He has for them. God will reveal who they are and His intentions for how He will use them to impact the world. This is a matter of perspective. You are not teaching them to think small or limit their capacity. You are actually expanding their capacity by getting them to depend on the one who is able to do more than we can ask or think — God!
Refer to Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT – Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Parents…to help your kid(s) fully realize who God has created them to be, you must be who He designed you to become. – TheOriginalMentor.com
Where Do You Go From Here?
Perhaps you read this blog and realized that you need to take action steps to help your child(ren) develop patience, character, and trust in God. I suggest you read Super Pencil as a family.
Super Pencil is a realistic fiction, coming of age story about a boy growing up in the suburbs who has to be patient, build character, and trust God. when he is forced to navigate finding friends, fitting in, feeling lonely, and react to being bullied.
From fourth grade boys to middle school girls, or a parent wanting to spend quality time with their child (ren), Super Pencil is a non-stop adventure that will make you laugh, think, cry, and then cheer for the good guy.
Go to SuperPencilSaga.com/shop to order your copy today.
theoriginalmentor 