Posts Tagged ‘How to be a supportive husband’


In the sphere of marriage, the journey from “I do” to “WE still do” is often one paved with trials, tribulations, and triumphs.

In part 1 of our latest podcast episodes, WE, candidly share our experiences and revelations from the “A Weekend to Remember” Marriage Retreat. WE discussed our reflections from the marriage retreat, but with a deeper exploration of the dynamics that sustain and enrich long-term relationships, specifically marriage.

WE emphasized the significance of investing time and effort into a marriage (with a few funny stories to support), an investment that is often underestimated but is as crucial as any other aspect of life requiring attention and care.

“Maintenance is better than repair!”

WE draw a compelling parallel between maintaining the health of a vehicle through regular servicing and the necessity of nurturing a marriage to prevent breakdowns. Just as a car needs its oil changed and tires rotated, a marriage requires regular emotional and communicative maintenance to remain robust and vibrant.

As the dialogue unfolds, WE delve into the delicate balance of oneness and isolation in marriage, particularly through the lens of a Christian perspective.

WE dissect the societal pressures that advocate for individualism and how these can insidiously create a chasm between partners, despite their best intentions. The discussion underscores the fine line between healthy individuality and detrimental separation within the marital context, highlighting the importance of shared experiences that fortify the connection between spouses.

Further into the episode, WE explore the intricate dance of transparent communication. WE introduce listeners to a five-level model of sharing within a relationship, ranging from superficial cliches to the profound transparency that is the hallmark of a deeply connected couple.

5 LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION:

  • Cliche: Sharing surface conversation and small talk
  • Fact: Merely sharing what happen throughout your day
  • Opinion: Expressing what you think about what’s happening in your day and in the relationship.
  • Emotion: Conveying how what’s happening in life and/or your relationship is making you feel.
  • Transparency: Being vulnerable to share who you are with a willingness to understand one another.

WE recount personal struggles with communication barriers, including Eugene’s journey from emotional stonewalling to openness and LaTanya’s challenges with self-regulation. Through introspection and humility, WE illustrate how overcoming these hurdles has led to a more authentic and fulfilling partnership. You Can Do It Too!

WE share stories to demonstrate how couples can work together to maintain unity and prevent drifting apart.

Marriage is Hard, But Its Work It!

Concluding the episode, WE remind listeners that while marriage is hard work, it is indeed worth every effort. WE share our excitement to delve deeper into God’s model for marriage and WE encourage you to engage in a dialogue about the joys and challenges of matrimony.

The commitment to grow together is a choice that offers endless rewards. WE urge you to continually invest in your relationship.

This episode truly expresses how our marriage is a testament to the fact that the flame of love can burn brightly, even after decades of togetherness, with the right blend of intentionality, understanding, and dedication.


Its Your Story Too My wife has always inspired me to be better.  She has an internal drive that causes her to get bored very quickly if she is not being challenged. Before we got married, she talked about how Jesus had impacted her life.  I had heard of Him and even heard others talk about Him when, but in hindsight, I had never met Him for myself.  I decided to attend the church that she frequented and it changed my eternity. Early on in our marriage, she decided to pursue a Master’s degree.  That meant that I would not have home cooked meals on nights that she had class, but that was a sacrifice required for her to accomplish her goal.  As I sat by and watched her study, I realized the importance of growing together, so I decided to pursue a Master’s degree as well. (Fast forward about 8 or 9 years)

About 2 years ago, we were talking about our 2014 Family Vision Plan.  We were discussing what made us happy.  After I shared my list, I realized how sad it made her.  She had been in a little slump that was uncommon for her.  During our conversation, she made a statement that kinda rocked me at my core.  I paraphrase, “I feel like there is more! I do not even have a hobby right now! Event Planning is what I love to do and where I find my joy.”  I decided that I would do all that I could to help her get her groove back!  We signed her up for classes, set aside money in the budget to purchase event decor items for her to practice, and we took the proper steps to relaunch her event business.

Fellas…the theme above is clear.  I made a decision to change, to improve, to support her.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to make a decision to support your wife while thinking about the negative impact it will have on you.  Each decision above meant that I was going to have to sacrifice my current way of being, thought process, habits, hobbies, comfort, and time to ensure that she is properly supported.

“Happy wife happy life.” is so cliche, but so true when you dig deeper.  It is not just about making her happy, but positioning her to be the best she can be; which will benefit you as well. Ladies…balance is still important.  In the course of becoming, you can not completely neglect your role.  Be sure to support and continue to encourage him in the process.  If you both are meeting the needs of each other, no one will feel neglected. The two of you should have fun building together.

An “EMPIRE” is defined as “a very large business or group of businesses under the control of one person or company. Think of your family as the owners of an empire that you all are building together.  It is not hers and yours, but ours!  Her successes are your successes. Success does not mean who makes the most money.  Money may be a need, but should not be the driving force.  When you are seeking to discover your true passions, using your God-given gifts, with proper motives, everything will fall into place (Proverbs 18:16 & Matthew 6:33).

Below are some tips I have used to support my wife.  I hope they help:

1.  Don’t Be a Dream Killer

  • You may be very successful in your field and matriculated at the finest institutions, but there is more than one road to success.  Just because your road may seem shorter, does not mean that there are not benefits to traveling a route that may take a little longer or even cost a little more.  Be a mentor, but allow for mistakes without, ” I told you so.(Proverbs 15:1)

2. They Have Dreams Too

  • Dismissing her wants, dreams, and desires is a sure way for you all to grow apart.  Security may come because you are a provider, but that cannot replace the feeling of fulfilling a purpose.  Imagine how they may feel about you helping everyone else become prosperous, but you are not willing to take the time to help them.  Their success is yours too.  You are building an “empire”! (1Timothy 5:8)

3. Give a Little, Take a Little #Compromise

  • I know you travel and have important meetings so that you can continue to provide.  However, just like you put your family on hold for work, there has to be a consistent time where your colleagues are put on hold for family.  Balance is important.  What is MOST important? It has to be more than just words.  With proper planning, anything is possible. (Philippians 2:3)

4. Don’t Sabotage Their Success

  • Remember…their success is your success.  If you have the type of marriage that lifelike roommates and separate everything, fix that first.  When you married you became ONE!  A house divided against itself cannot stand.  When one is jealous of the success of the other, it is a sure sign that you are not operating as one.  If you feel like they are doing more, then DECIDE to do more to support them so that it becomes “ours”.
  • WARNING:  Do not decide to start your own business just because they did.  It cost time, money, and effort to run one business.  Timing is important.  This is still a form of sabotage, disguised as ambition.  Check your motives or you will destroy your own Empire. (Matthew 6:1-18)

5. Be Patient

  • Rome was not built in a day, neither will your empire.  Despise not humble beginnings (Job 8:7).  Building a strong foundation will ensure that what you build will be around for your generations.  After all, the goal is not only to be rich but to build wealth.  Wealth encompasses far more than the amount of money you have.  You will face trials and setbacks, but there is no failure in a lesson learned.  In the end, you will be mature, complete and lacking nothing (James 1:2-8)