Archive for the ‘Life Lessons’ Category

Is Dad’s Role Really Harder Than Mom’s?

Posted: October 4, 2014 in Life Lessons, Resources
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I did a Facebook poll a couple weeks ago where I asked my “Friends”, “Mom vs. Dad: Who has the hardest role?”  Instantly, they began to answer Mom…Mom, MOM (no question), Mom!  I even challenged them to really think about it before answering, but it did not appear that anyone had to ponder long.  After a couple post, a few people responded Dad, then the answer that I was looking for sprinkled into the conversation. BOTH!

I was raised in a single parent home, by my mom.  I did not meet my father until I was about 4 years old (he was in prison).  I watched first hand the struggles my mother endured to ensure that all of my needs and wants were met.  Without thinking, I could easily determine that a mothers role is much more difficult than fathers, but then I became one.

I understand that perspective has everything to do with how a person answers this question, which is why I wanted to challenge everyone to reconsider who has the more difficult task of raising a child.  The gravity of the responsibility, I believe, is one of the reasons why some fathers run instead of embracing it.  If more men embraced their role, we would not experience the many societal ills that plague our communities.

According to the Father’s Manifesto, statistics show that:

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
  • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
  • 85% of youth in prisons grew up in fatherless homes
  • 75% of all adolescent patients in drug treatment centers come from fatherless homes

Children from fatherless homes are:

  • 5 Times more likely to commit suicide
  • 32 times more likely to run away
  • 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
  • 14 times more likely to commit rape
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substance
  • 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison

My goal is not to paint a doom and gloom picture.  Scores of single moms do an amazing job raising their children.  My mom did.  I am fortunate to say that I am not ANY of the statistics above.  However, considering the statistics should give you some indication of how important the role of a father is, because, without it, the wheels seem to fall off.

To know the purpose of a thing you have to go back to when it was originally created.  We can not judge who’s role is hardest based on our perception of that role.  Societies subjective view of fathers has caused us to demonize, forget and even minimize the relevance that fathers have.

6 And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction. – Malachi 4:6

A father’s role is to Guide, Guard, and Govern the family:

Guide

When you are lost, a compass can be instrumental in helping you navigate to your destination.  A GPS is helpful, but only when you know where you are going.  A father’s role is to, first, help their children determine where they are so that they can have an understanding of which direction they are trying to go.  Not just physically, but instilling a moral compass provides a foundation which helps the child(ren) make good decisions when their parents are not around.  (Read Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Guard

Generally speaking, God made men physically larger and stronger than women.  Instinctively, men embrace the role to protect and guard their family.  However, threats come from many directions. Men buy guns and home security systems to protect their homes, but many of the things that we should guard against were walked in by our kids.  Whatever influences our children’s thoughts determines who they become, which impacts their behavior.  Men, we must be gatekeepers and watchmen of our homes to prevent anything from invading the minds of anyone within our household.  The music they listen to, the TV shows they watch, the websites and social media sites they surf, the video games they play, should not have a greater influence than our words and the behaviors we model. Being on guard against the unseen may be more important than guarding against who is trying to sneak up behind you…at least you can see and hear them coming.  (Read Ephesians 6:12)

Govern

Learning to respect authority begins at home.  Although, as of late, I do not agree with the actions of law enforcement, I will continue to teach my son to adhere to the laws and even demands of a police officer.  Properly disciplining him and reinforcing what his mother says teaches him to love, honor, and respect women, not only his mother.  Without these lessons at home, children develop a trigger that causes them to challenge authority, not because the authority is wrong, but because it is not what they want to do at that moment.  Fathers should not abuse the authority given to them, instead of governing their household in a way that everyone develops a healthy respect for all authority.  (Read Ephesians 6:4)

I invite you to think and evaluate parenting outside of our circumstances and consider the true role of a mother and father.  When each role is fulfilled as intended, I think that it is difficult or even impossible to say that one is harder than the other.  Both are needed and required to help children maximize their potential and fully develop into who God intended them to be.

“Mothers teach children HOW to love, but Fathers teach them WHO to love.” – Pastor Smokie Norful

When the mother or the father is absent,  the child will either know how to love, but never find the right person or know who to love, but never realize the benefits, because they do not know how.

For The Single Mothers: Some of you may take exception to this blog.  In no way is this intended to minimize the exceptional role you have played as a single mom.  As I stated above, I am a product of one.  If you have been forced to parent alone, my heart goes out to you.  However, I would like you to objectively imagine how different your life would be if you had someone, a true partner like I described above. It is possible! Perhaps not with the one you chose to be the father of your children, but it is possible.  Click Here and read another blog that I wrote about that very topic.  My prayer is that it will liberate you and empower you to keep going.

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Different Does Not Mean Better

Posted: September 16, 2013 in Life Lessons
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Blooper Parenting: Don’t Fumble the Baby

Posted: September 6, 2013 in Life Lessons
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ReBlog…I read this Blog this morning and it really resonated with me. As parents we compare so much (consciously or subconsciously), but in reality, what works for them may not work on or for your little one(s). As parents, the path that you take provides us with access to the stops and sites required for you to grow and develop your child(ren) into who they are to become.

Of course, there are things we can learn from others, or I would not be writing this blog. Just do not try to replicate through comparison to the point where you loose who you and they are suppose to become. 

Do you look at other families and struggle to believe you measure up as a parent? One problem may be that you’re comparing your blooper reels with other people’s highlights.

A popular segment on many sports channels is the blooper reels. These humorous videos show the silly mistakes of professional athletes as they trip and fall over their own feet, miss an easy catch, or stumble over a teammate while chasing the ball.

Other fans would rather watch highlight reels. Instead of goofy blunders, this footage is a collection of great catches, amazing shots, and incredible displays of skill from sporting events around the country. It’s the best of the athletic world.

So what does all this have to do with parenting? Highlight reels show athletes at their best; bloopers, athletes at their worst. As parents, we’re all too familiar with our own mistakes. We remember the harsh words we’ve spoken, or the times we’ve had poor judgment, or the areas where our children struggle and we don’t have any answers. Many times, it can feel like we’re living a blooper reel, except it’s anything but funny.

But other families? We see them from the outside, and it’s like watching a highlight reel. Their children don’t squabble, the parents never have a disagreement, and life is perfect. But is it really? From what I’ve seen, every family has it’s challenges. So don’t get discouraged by comparing your behind-the-scenes struggles with others’ superficial highlights. Remember that God looks at your heart.

For a daily dose of encouragement and perspective, check out Jim Daly’s blog, Daly Focus, at JimDalyBlog.com

The Day Our Son Realized…We May Not Always Be Here!?

Posted: September 3, 2013 in Life Lessons
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As tears form in my eyes again as I write this, I am thinking about last night when my wife and I were riding home and “Dance with my Father” a song by Luther Vandross came on. After the song was over, my wife heard sniffling and asked my son if he was ok? He burst into tears and we asked him again “Whats Wrong, What’s Wrong!?!”

He replied, “I am going to really miss you guys when I am a grown up!” (((((Silence))))))))

Initially…I was speechless and did not know what to say. Thank God for my wife, because I felt her shift into counselor mode. She asked, “What made you think about that?” He replied, “That song.” We paused again, processing what song just went off. It is a very emotional song where the writer is reflecting about the times that he and his mother had with his father. They are now very said that he is no longer around and he is asking God if he and his mother could “Dance with his Father” just one more time (see lyrics below).

My wife then asked, “How did that song make you feel.” He replied, “Sad!” She shot back, “What about that song that makes you sad?” He repeated, “I am going to really miss you guys when I am a grown up!” That is when it hit me….for the first time, he had just processed the fact that we may not always be here with him. ((((WHOA)))) That’s heavy for a grown up to process about their parents, so I can only imagine how it felt to an 8 year old.

To know my son, you know he wears his heart on his sleeve. We love his compassion and respect the fact that he appreciates us as his parents (that felt great!!).

My wife then reminded him that mommy and daddy were grown ups and that we still spend time with “granna, g-ma, papa, and grandad” who are our parents. We pray that he will have the same chance to spend with us when he is a grown up.

We then walked him through the timeline of life to help him process that at 8 years old, how he still has the rest of elementary school, middle school, high school and college, to spend with us before he made the official transition to being a grown up and we pray that we will have the pleasure of spending time with him and his wife and kids. That seemed to calm him down.

This was a Priceless and Touching Moment that we had the pleasure of experiencing with him.

Our goal as parents is to help him depend less and less on us and more and more on God, who will guide him in the way he should go. We do not want him to feel hopeless and misguided if it were in God’s will to “take us” from his life before he feels he is ready.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you a hope and a future.”

The reality is, we do not know the plans that his creator has for him, so we must do all that we can to ensure that Micah has a relationship with the only one who knows. He promises to prosper him and not harm him, which is what we desire. However, because we do not know where His path leads, it is to our advantage to ensure that my son is aware that there is even a path that has been laid out for him. Even if we are not around, he can know that there is still “hope” and that he has a future. I thank God for using us and we pray that He will continue to reveal Himself to us so that we can guide Micah in the way that he should go.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Lyrics to Dance with My Father
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Mission Impossible: Installing the Car Seat for the First Time

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Life Lessons
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“Ok dad…you can go pull the car around.” I recall the nurse telling me over 8 years ago. As I carried the bags down the hall on the elevator and into the parking garage, I still did not realize that I had forgotten a very important step?? As I open the hatch on the truck and piled the bags in, I still had not realized that it was not installed. In the hustle and bustle of preparing for his arrival, I continued to say, I will do it later.

I pulled around and saw my wife being pushed to the curb by the nurse. I jumped out excited, ready to take my wife and new son home. It was a little brisk, so I around to the other side of the truck and pulled the door open and then realized that the seat was not installed. Oh No! Well, no worries….I am a man! How hard could it be…I actually did the research and “they” said that the seat is secure and tight…not moving more that an inch in any direction, GOT IT!

Well….so I thought. I strapped the seat in, but it wobbled like jello sitting on top of a dryer during the spin cycle (not sure why that analogy popped in my head…weird). Reading the instructions is now working against me. I can not put my new born son in a seat that is not safe. I struggled to secure and tighten the seat and nothing seemed to work! Remember I said it was brisk…now I am sweating. To top it off, Micah is now SCREAMING and my wife is getting cold. A crowd started to form “is everything ok? Can we help?” Clearly they are not, but there was no way I was going to “fail” as a father before I even left the hospital!

I am not sure how much time has passed, but it felt like an hour! A very calming voice urged, “Sir…it’s cold, let me help”. With o pen last act of desperation I placed my knee in the middle of the seat and pushed yanked the latch and “CLICK”!! That was the best sound I had every heard! I wiped the sweat from my forehead before coming out of the back seat….”What??? I got it.” I sat Micah’s car seat on top of the cradle and walked around to the other side with the swag of a seasoned parent, knowing that I was melting on the inside.

Moral of the Story, Dad…install the seat days in advance and avoid being silly and naive like me. Trust me…it is not a good look. Lol.

I have provide a link below that can provide some insight on how to install the car seat properly.

According to a article from Fox News.com, “The NHTSA also noted that of all the children who were killed in motor vehicle accidents, almost half were unrestrained. However, even when children were placed in restraint systems, it didn’t ensure their safety. That’s because, of the 3,500 child restraint systems used, 72 percent were used improperly, according to the NHTSA.” CLICK HERE to read full article.

How to PROPERLY Install a Car Seat
http://www.dmv.org/how-to-guides/install-child-seat.php

I thank God for that experience, because from that day forward, it caused me to ensure that my son, family, and friends are properly secured and safe.

Role Model vs. Mentor: Blurred Lines

Posted: August 5, 2013 in Life Lessons
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This is the fundamental reason why I started writing this blog. Do we (Society) really understand the difference between a role model and a mentor. Webster.com defines a role model as “a person whose behavior in a particular role is imitated by others”. A mentor is described as “a trusted counselor or guide.” We should not confuse the two. They are distinct and very different, but could be one in the same.

In my opinion, celebrities / athletes can be viewed as role models, but as parents we should not blur the lines to confuse them with being a mentor to our children. I kinda spoke of this in a couple blogs in the past, but in the wake of the A Rod-on-every-channel-saga, I felt compelled to vent again.

I have heard people and news reporters say, “what about the children” and rightfully so. However, my hope is that the parent(s) would stand up and be the “mentor” who will counsel and guide their children to understand that if all that is alleged is true, that he may not be a person whose behavior in a particular role we should imitate (role model).”

I am not naive. I do understand that not all children can differentiate between roles and characteristics of a person…and as they study their role, negative seeds from their character has the potential to seep out and invade their hearts, minds, and spirits of the youth. I get it!

Growing up, Michael Jordan was my role model. I watched and studied how he played basketball, but I knew nothing about him as a person. Because I did not know him or trust him, he could not be considered my mentor, who would guide and counsel me. I remember my mother talking to me about how he appeared to be “arrogant” and that is not something that she liked about him. “Thanks for sharing,” but I did not care about who he was off the court. I was interested in how he turned and dunked on Patrick Ewing along the baseline. I did run around singing “Like Mike…if I could be like Mike” (wanna be…wanna be like Miiiikkkkeee…Sorry, got lost for a sec). However, for me, it was with a basketball in hand.

This further proves my point. Corporations blur the lines by using celebrities in “real life” situations to help sell their products. Endorsement deals take celebrities and athletes out of their “role” and humanize them. With the addition of social media, we have 24 / 7 access to the people that we historically called role models. Now we know where they are, what they think, what they eat, who they hang out with, where they shop, where they took their kids, need I go on. But, we still do not “know” them. In the same way we would not read a book about a person and feel like we know them enough to marry them, we can not allow our children to “follow” people who we can not confirm if they have the same morals, values, beliefs, and judgements that we do. They may have made a decision that appears to be in alignment with what we believe, but we do not understand the context or why they came to that conclusion, which matters.

Sorry, I ramble. I am not saying that the Lance Armstrong’s, Tiger Woods, and A-Rods (to name a few) of the world are right, but I am saying we (parents and media) unfairly crucify and condemn them because we place unrealistic expectations on them to be the mentors of our youth. News flash, we are not perfect, either. If a camera followed us around 24 / 7 what would be exposed about who we are and what we did? Again, I think that “they” must be held accountable, just not cast out because of a mistake they made and for being in a position that we placed them in. I know, i know! To who much is given, much is required. Grace.

Bottom line…the original “mentors” are the parents. Our role is to guide and counsel our children. It is great if we can also be their role model. If not, we should find a suitable role model for them and not allow them to default to who the world highlights as a poster child in a particular role. Once we find a person, explain (counsel) why we selected that person(s), and constantly monitor so if they ever exhibit behaviors contrary, we will know it is time to find another role model (guide).

I am theoriginalmentor and so are you. Declare It. “I am The Original Mentor!”

Parenting: Beyond Your Backyard

Posted: July 30, 2013 in Life Lessons
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Years ago, I was sitting on my back porch enjoying a summer day. I may have just finished cutting the backyard, which was a blessing and a curse. I loved the fact that it was large enough to run, jump, flip, and play with my son without going to a park. However, I had to cut every square inch of it, weekly. My backyard tapered into the 8th tee of a golf course (par 3 where you had to clear a pond and escape the 4 bunkers surrounding the green). The 8th hole cut across my view, then the fairway of the 9th hole (500 yard, par 5) was directly in front of me…as far as I could see.

It was a very picturesque view. We loved to sit, watch, and enjoy all of Gods splendor. This was one of those days. I recall the sky being clear, a slight breeze in the air, birds chirping, squirrels scurrying, geese swimming, nothing but what God had created.

As I sat taking it all in, I looked down to my left and noticed a couple ants busy at work. As I watched them carry items from one place to the other, they eventually started to walk out into the backyard toward the golf course. I wondered if they lived in my backyard. Did they consider this to be there home (I know I’m weird, just go with me for a sec). Again, as the ants started to disappear as they made their way toward the golf course, I wondered how long would it talk these little ole ants to get from here……all-the-way to the end of the 500 yard, par 5, 9th hole? What would he encounters as they traveled on their journey? Golfers swinging clubs, driving golf carts, spikes on shoes, rainy days, dark midnight skies…would he finish?

Then I wondered…perhaps this backyard is as far as he would ever go? It could be so large, in his eyes, that it could take him years to explore all of the possibilities right before him. He would never know that there are millions of other backyards and thousands of other golf courses that he will never even know existed. Then it hit me….

We look the same in Gods eyes. He sits high and looks low. He has given us the responsibility to manage everything in our “backyards.” As parents, I feel that it is our responsibility to take our children “beyond our backyard” to help them explore other possibilities. Our role is to guide them and help them navigate the swinging golf clubs (enemies), golf carts (fast pace), rainy days (frustration), dark nights (distractions) that we know the world will throw at them. Sometimes our natural inclination is to overprotect, which to some means to shelter them and prevent them from being exposed to all that the world has to offer (good and bad). The mistake in this overprotective approach is that they may develop a false sense of reality, believing that the world is just like the serene “backyard” where we spend the majority of our time. However, the day will come when we, as parents, are not there to help our children manage and navigate life.

Exposure helps them discover who they are to become, while allowing them to think through the options.

The discovery process can and should take place within the safety of our backyards, but we should not let our fears build an ant farm that prevents our children from even experiencing the wonders that are in your backyards and beyond.

Allow them to explore, and as they learn, expand their boundaries to what they can handle. Sure they will test the limits, you and I both did. It is apart of growing up. My prayer (our prayer) is that they will take what we taught and apply it when we are not around. The last thing that we want is for them to discover the golf cart (fast pace) and we never told them about the golf cart or that there is a thing called a seat belt (well not really on a golf cart).

My point…because we have been exposed, we can sit and pier out into the world (from our backyards) and prepare our sons and daughters for all that the world has in store. Teach them to take the proper precautions, but encourage them to explore and grow during the process.

Please, please ensure that you look “beyond your backyard” and not limited the potential of their tomorrow, because we never expose them to what is possible.

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Parents: Don’t Allow Dysfunction To Become Their Normal?

Posted: July 10, 2013 in Life Lessons
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“You defend the system that trains you.” is a quote from Pastor Smokie Norful. What is a system? A system is a series of events or processes that work together to get a desired result. Systems can be, but are not always positive. For example, an abusers sets up a system to isolate the victim (process #1), lower their self-esteem (process #2), give them a false sense of what true love is (process #3), until they get that person to believe that this is not only the best way of life, but the ONLY way. In many cases, the victim will choose to stay in that situation even though it is harmful to them. The victim may even begin to defend the abuser, because they have begun to believe that “He/She loves me!”

Just like a person who is in an abusive relationship will defend the abuser and say that they “love” me, a child that has grown up in “dysfunction” will defend the system and lifestyle that they were raised by, because that is all they know. To change their lifestyle (system) is to turn their back on or to disrespect the way of life that had gotten them to where they are. Wait? Are you striving to go further, achieve more, “be better?” “So you think you better than me now?” It is not that they think that they “are” better, it is simply that they desire more. I grew up in this environment as well. I was the first in my family to go and graduate from college and some of my family actually fought my mother, because they thought that I thought I was “better”. Not True! This mentality has caused many kids with amazing potential to never realize it because their life is filled with “haters” who do not want to see them do more and thrive instead of just surviving.

When I first heard the term “hater” I was so happy, because I thought, “This is progress!” It is the realization that if someone does not want you to accomplish more, then THEY are the one who is wrong, not the one who is trying to achieve. It is inspiring to see that some people would like to rise above their current state, that has become normal, and thrive beyond the limitations of the enviornments that they are currently exposed to. It is the desire and determination of those individual(s) to obtain more, that has become the seeds of hope for other family members, friends, and generations to come. If they can do it, so can I…Haters!!!

It takes a person who has broken the barriers of lack to realize that dysfunction had become their normal. Once you discover a new system, it is important to share it with those who may still be lost or blind to the fact that they can have more…not just stuff, but more peace, love, joy. They can take the responsibility of spending much time with others who suffer from that same false reality of “this is all we will ever have or be” to carefully fertilize, till, and replant seeds that will produce life and create a new normal that can harvest into a life filed with love, joy, peace, happiness, abundance, and so much more.

So…I ask, what type of seeds are you planting in your children? Guilt, regret, shame, hate, envy, hurt? What system(s) did you grow up in that you are now recreating or “planting” in your children because that is all that you know? Just because it was done to you, does not make it right…even if it worked! Just because you had the resiliency to bounce back does not mean that your child(ren) will have that same bounce back power!? We have to really explore the reasons why we value what we value, why we think the way we think, and why we do we what we do, before passing it along to our children. The systems that we build to raise our children, may need to be adjusted to fit who they are and who they are supposed to become.

Sometimes parenting has nothing to do with the child, but everything to do with you! It is amazing to me that we get trained and prepare for a vocation, but will not do the same introspection when it comes to being prepared to fulfill our purpose as parents. When God entrusted us with a miracle (baby) we now hold purpose in our hands. Our role is to create the right environment and plant seeds of Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control so that they can reach their full potential. It requires us to get out of their way and to not plant weeds that are limiting or that push them in a direction that we think is right. Is it the right way? Maybe? Are you sure? If so, good.

Again I ask, what type of seeds are you planting? You can not plant what you don’t have. Maybe it is time that we rethink our systems to ensure that the processes (lifestyle) is working together to get the desired positive result. If you don’t plant seed in the right soil (environment), water it (nurture), give it the proper sun (oversight), the seed will never grow to its greatest potential.

Parenting: When Success Feels Like Failure

Posted: July 6, 2013 in Life Lessons
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My son is 8. His grandparents (and other family members) have asked if he can spend the SUMMER with them? “ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?” At least that is what I thought, well I kinda say it too. There is no way I can go an entire summer without my LiL Homie (that’s what I can call him). I guess we should think of it as a complement, that someone would want to spend an entire summer with our son…and they asked us.

I asked someone the other day, at what age does a parent switch from dreading their child being gone for so long to asking “wanna take em for the summer?”

Well, we gave in, a little, and allowed him to go with Grandparents for 2 and a half weeks. He is in North Carolina spending much needed time with aunts, uncles, and cousins. But, we are only half way through and it feels like an eternity.

What is it that causes us, as parents, to press the “panic button” when our children are away for long periods of time? Fear that something might happen? Yep…but I have gotten passed that phase (with much prayer). But let’s fast forward about 10 years, to a time when it’s a bit longer than a summer vacation with family. A friend of mine said something the other day that made my stomach drop. He said, “You realize you only have another 10 years with him? After that, he will be moving on to college. Value and cherish the time now.” As I reflected, what made my stomach drop was the feeling of “not being needed” by him any more. Huuuhhhhh!!! (you know the sound you make when someone punches you in the gut?)

As a parent our goal should be to work ourselves out of a job. Parents have instincts to nurture, teach, and develop, but we still want to hold on forever. The Discovery Channel displays how animals and other species help their young discover their “kill or be killed” instinct…fly or fall to your death reality. There comes a time when a momma eagle will push her baby out of the nest and they better flap their wings before they hit the ground (or else).

There will come a time when we will have to trust what we have placed inside of them. A time when they can make decisions for themselves.

As parents, we can not hold on so tight (at 8 years old) and expect them, at 18, to be ready to make decisions and live apart from us if we never provide them with the opportunity to practice their decision making (while they are still within our reach to guide them when they made a mistake

They will make mistakes, that’s apart of the growth process. For some, success starts to feel like failure when their child begins to stand on their own two feet, realizing their independence, not needing us for every decision. We may mask it or not realize it, but empty nest syndrome is very real! We have to trust what we put inside them or start today preparing them for a life apart from us. The reality is, we will not be by their side all the time, but we should want them to use what we taught as a reference as they stand at the crossroads of life…having the moral compass to know right from wrong, good from bad, success from negative consequence, their decision not ours.

My wife and I now see it more as passing the torch. We want our son to be exposed to more than who we are so that he can discover who God has made him to be. It’s a big world out there and we can not possibly teach him all that he needs to know. We are imparting God’s word in him, so he will seek Gods voice as a guide instead of ours who could possible steer him wrong. We want him to realize who we were depending on to guide him in the first place. If you want to know the purpose of a thing, you must ask the one who created it. He is the only one that “knows the plans that He has for us, to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

When we take the focus off ourselves and focus on preparing them, our feeling of failure transforms into a feeling of joy as we realize that what we see them doing is flapping their wings right before they hit the ground. Now…we just have to let them fly.

What If…

Posted: February 21, 2013 in Life Lessons
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Let me start by saying that God does not make any mistakes. He is sovereign and knew exactly what He was doing and how to do it.

Now, that we have that out of the way; let us use our imagination for a minute. What if…God chose who would carried the baby for 9 months? Man or Woman? When a husband and wife “got together” (you know what I mean) there would be no way of knowing who would be impregnated? What if, there was a 50/50 chance that the man would carry, care for, and nurture that little miracle until birth.

How different would the world be?

According to Wikipedia.org, “About 16% of children worldwide live in a single-parent household.[9] In 2006, 12.9 million families in the US were headed by a single parent, 80% of which were headed by a female.” Unfortunate, but it is a well-known fact that so many men skip out on the responsibility. I believe that it is an out of sight, out of mind experience for them. In reality, God chose the female to be the blessing and have the opportunity to take part in the miracle of carrying a child to term. Men can (I did not say should) stand back to decide the role they will play in the child’s life…deciding what is convenient for them. Since the female does not have a choice, she is forced into a posture of “I gotta do what I gotta do.” Again I ask, How different would the world be if God chose at conception who the carrier would be? What if, females then take the same stance as so many men? Would she react in the same way if the situation was reversed? Would there by a more overwhelming number of single fathers instead?

The first inclination is to say “No…women are naturally nurturers, therefore, they would not walk out on their responsibility of aiding in raising the child.”

Take a second to really consider….What If?

My opinion, if fathers did not know if they would be chosen by God to carry the baby, I am willing to bet a penny that rate of unprotected sex would go into extinction! Sexually Transmitted Diseases (viruses…or whatever the correct term is now a days) would diminish, A.I.D.s may not exist, I can go on. It is actually pretty comical to sit and consider how different the world would be with just this one small adjustment took place (quite big actually).

What If…The seemingly innate male fear of commitment would be challenged with every stroke taken (no pun intended). One would think that the females would still react in the same manner; however, it would be sort of a butterfly effect. If you change, this, what else and how else would everything else be affected? Would women now have the same issues with commitment and lack the innate ability to nurture a life into what God has intended? What men and women alike possess what is needed to do what you gotta do? Things that make you go huuummmm? What If?

This brings another question…Why do so many men skip out on the responsibility and opportunity to care for another life? I have an opinion, but I will deal with that in my next post.

So what do you think? What If…?

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